Author: Jamie Bessette
When I was in college I took a behavior class by an incredible teacher. I'm terrible with names so I don't recall what his name was but I can still see his face. Anyway, he taught me more in one semester about behavior then any of my other behavior teachers combined. One of the things he taught us was to spend the first few weeks going over the rules and processes of the classroom. He said while it seemed to take a whole lot of time to do this and that other teachers would get frustrated with us, it in the long run was worth the time spent. He told us that we would make up that learning time and more during the rest of the year. When I got my first self- contained LD/EBD (Learning Disability/ Emotional Behavior Disorder) classroom I took his advice. He was right. Other teachers did get frustrated with me and the learning those kids did throughout the year surpassed what everyone thought.
When I became a parent I put those same techniques to work. One piece of it is time management and how you “run business.” As a teacher I would listen to what parents said about how their routine ran or didn't run while at home. The advice that parents said worked I tried to use and things that didn't I tried to learn from them to make them work. As a result I’ve developed some awesome skills for managing the routines of our house as well as tips for my classroom.
Over and over I hear people complain about time. “We don't have time in the morning to….” “We're always late because it takes us so long to….” “I hate it because I end up yelling when…” Does this sound like you? Either at home or in the classroom? Let’s discuss what can be done to help.
First, in the day and age we live in, we try to cram too many things into too little time. This makes people run around in a rushed state trying to get it all done. Second, we feel like if we don't get it all done we are worthless which then makes us compare ourselves to other moms, teachers, or co-workers and the cycle repeats. Lastly, it stresses our relationships with the people around us.
Let me tell you how I went about changing this for my family. You may have to tweak this process to fit your life but this is what I did to reduce the stress and increase the peace.
In our fast pace society sleep is something you do if you have time, instead people need to make it a priority. I would even go to say it should be their biggest priority when planning a routine. Why? When children are developing they need sleep in order for their body to continue growing and their brain to continue developing. As adults, enough sleep allows you think clearly and have enough energy to make it through the day. If you are well slept you are also more likely to handle stress and difficult situations better.
I am going to shock you when I tell you how much sleep a child needs. This is according to the American Academy of Pediatrics at aap.org:
Infants 4 months to 12 months should sleep 12 to 16 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Children 1 to 2 years of age should sleep 11 to 14 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Children 6 to 12 years of age should sleep 9 to 12 hours per 24 hours on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Teenagers 13 to 18 years of age should sleep 8 to 10 hours per 24 hours on a regular basis to promote optimal health.
Shocking right? How many of you can tell me that you allow for 12 hours of sleep a night for your 12 year old? An adult needs between 7-9 hours of sleep a night. How many of you reading this get that much? Did you know that under slept people can show signs of ADHD and that for some people symptoms can be reduced or resolved with sleep?
So this is what I did about sleep in our house. I took the highest number for each age and worked backwards. So if my children were supposed to get 12 hours of sleep at night that's what we did. If they woke up consistently at 11 hours then I readjusted our schedule. Now this is easier said then done and I know that because I've lived it and this is why. You have to be a sleep nazi and say things like: “We will be a bit late to the party” or “We can't come with you to the evening movie because our kids bedtime is 7:00.” The response I get is usually like, “Really your kids goes to bed at 7:00, why?” Or “Come on just one night.”
Often parents don't want to say no or don't want their life affected in order to accommodate their child. I know you are not one of those parents because you are reading this blog. I promise you in the long run you missing something or showing up late won't matter. No one has ever said to me “Remember when you missed the first hour of the birthday party three years ago?” Maybe the day after someone said you missed a really good movie but then it never gets brought up again.
The second thing I focus on is nutrition. I do the best I can to feel my children whole foods. I do this because their bodies are growing and they need a supply of vitamins and minerals to keep them healthy. To me it seems carbs are so easy to get: pasta, bagels, bread, granola bars etc. that I try to focus on fat and protein. Yes, I said fat. Your brain needs health fats (not fast food fats) in order to function properly. Diets need to have a variety of foods from a variety of sources to meet a person’s needs. An adult body needs proper nutrition too in order to function. Proper nutrition supports your body’s energy and mental processing. I am not going to get into which type of diet (Keto, Paleo, Mediterranean etc.) is better for you then another, all I'll say is it's important to cook whole foods for your family. Processed foods are filled with all sorts of bad stuff and most of the time should even be called food. If you're thinking you don't have time, buy a crock pot recipe book and keep reading.
So if you remember this blog started out on the topic of time management. Proper sleep and nutrition lay the foundation for good time management that is why I took the time to discuss them. In order to manage your day effectively your brain and body need to be able to show up to the party!
So this is how I manage my time.
On Friday, I list all of our appointments on a shared calendar. I hang it in our laundry room. That way everyone can see it whenever they want, it also happens to be next to the door we use the most. On this same calendar I list the dinners we are going to have each night and the page in the cookbook where it can be found. This way if I’m not home to make dinner my family knows where to look for the recipe. While doing this I also make a grocery list. I NEVER go to the grocery store without a list. On nights that I have to work late or the kids have an activity right after school I make a crock pot meal so it's ready when I get home. I'll be honest, during our busy season, I make about 3 or 4 crockpot meals a week.
On Sunday, I take about 30 minutes to plan out my week. I schedule when I'm going to workout, what workout I'll do and I write down my goals for the week. I plan who is taking which kid to which activity and I also figure out when I need to do meal prep. I have found that meal planning, prep and cooking actually take about the same amount of time or less then going out to eat and it saves you a bunch of money. That's how I apply time management to myself, now onto kids…
I start planning for my kid’s day the night before. I make sure I feed them a healthy dinner and I manage their sleep so they go to bed with enough to time to sleep for what is appropriately listed above. I do this so that they are ready for the next day. When it comes to a wake up time I plan extra time so we don't run late. For example, it takes my kids about 30 minutes to get ready for school. I wake them up so that they have 45 minutes. This goes back to planning the night before, you need to make sure they are in bed early enough that they get all their sleep and can wake up with extra time. For many years that meant my kids went to bed at 7 or 7:30 so that they could wake up at 6 or 6:30. When my kids were younger I was showered and ready for the day when I woke them up.
Any time they have left over after their morning routine they are allowed to watch TV. I set the timer on the stove and when it goes off we get ready to head out the door. I also leave extra time for this as well in case one of them has a last minute dilemma such as a broken zipper or a double knotted shoe they can get undone. The point is to leave enough time that if something goes wrong it doesn't stress everyone out.
Their morning routine is the same every day. I taught it to them when they were young and reinforced it every day until they could do it independently. I did the same thing with their night time routine.
When the kids get home from school they eat a snack and do homework, then they complete any chores on the list that I’ve left them. After that they have free time until dinner or their evening activity. The TV remains off until after dinner, once chores and homework have been checked then they can watch TV.
Kids thrive on consistency and the more consistency you can give them the better they do, the routines also help foster independence. Kids also do better in an environment that is positive and relaxed, thinking ahead a bit helps create this environment. Remember your family’s needs come first over what your friends need or what they want you to do.
Managing your time by planning and prepping for the day you will reduce stress within your house and increase positive relationships. I’m not going to lie, it takes time and effort to get this ball rolling but it is so worth the push!
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